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Marlins try to swell their ranks

By Dick Heller
February 29, 2008

Marlins fan Brian Seik auditioned for the Manatees, an all-male, plus-size cheerleading squad, on Sunday.

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If the ground shivers and shakes this season at Miami's Dolphin Stadium, it won't be because of anything the rebuilding Florida Marlins do.

Undoubtedly reasoning that their chances of success are thin, the Marlins plan to counter that by recruiting seven to 10 fat men, jolly or otherwise, for a dancing/cheerleading squad called the Manatees. At first glance — as well as second and third — this dubious strategy would seem unlikely to put more fannies of any size in the stadium's usually unoccupied seats.

A team flier said the club is seeking "big bellies with the biggest jiggle" for the squad. The first tryouts were held Sunday, and fortunately no heart attacks were reported. We can only hope the horsehide gods didn't interpret these antics as a rain dance, since South Florida already gets much more than its share of summertime showers.

Referring to the, er, dancers as manatees might not be the best idea either. Real manatees are 1,200-pound mammals sometimes called sea cows that are not noted for their agility and sometimes get caught in boat propellers.

How's that for a winning image?

"We're looking for super fans," Marlins vice president of marketing Sean Flynn said, meaning it literally.

The Marlins will be the first baseball team honoring, if that's the word, America's expanding waistlines, although the NBA's Chicago Bulls have fielded a big-man dance troupe since 2003. And there shouldn't be any shortage of candidates.

According to the Miami Herald, Men's Fitness recently rated the Miami-Fort Lauderdale area seventh nationally in its annual list of the nation's fattest cities. The magazine also said 21 percent of South Floridians are obese and the area has more fast-food and pizza restaurants than any other locale.

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