'Daughter' not related to how real people act

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Memo to Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez: Remember to buy Ashton Kutcher a really big Christmas present this December.

The inexplicable It Boy's new film, "The Boss's Daughter," should replace the couple's "Gigli" as the worst film of the year.

"Daughter," hibernating on a studio shelf for nearly two years, bears little resemblance to reality in either its plotting, characters or situations.

The only way Mr. Kutcher could do more damage to his buzz would be to get caught canoodling with Phyllis Diller.

When a teen movie is released with a limited ad budget just as many teens are going back to school and it's not screened for critics, you get the feeling a film's not wanted.

Mr. Kutcher's performance here doesn't embarrass. He always has those dark brown eyes and sculpted jaw to fall back on, and he's good enough to pass for the film's nebbish next door despite his GQ appearance. His fatal error was that he picked up the script and didn't instantly drop it like a red-hot poker.

Mr. Kutcher is Tom, a milquetoast researcher at a publishing firm who pines to work in his boss's creative department. Said boss is Jack Taylor, a wholly unbelievable rageaholic played by Terence Stamp.

Tom also has an eye for Jack's daughter Lisa (Tara Reid, all lip gloss and dazed smiles), never mind the potential minefield such a courtship could entail.

A clumsy conversation with Lisa convinces Tom they have a date. Instead, she's asked him to watch her father's mansion for a few hours. Tom also has to care for Jack's pet owl named O.J. Why name an owl O.J.? So screenwriter David Dorfman ("Anger Management") could have Mr. Kutcher run outside and cry, "O.J.'s on the loose" when the fowl escapes.