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Ring. Ring. "Hello, this is Tom." "Happy birthday to you, Tom." "Who is this? How did you know it was my birthday?"
"Your birth date is public information -- it's listed on your voter registration card. But that's not important. What is important is that I'm here to help you."
"Help me?"
"We feel it's time for you to upgrade your computer, Tom. It's taking you forever to surf through the Web sites you visit."
"You know which Web sites I visit?"
"Of course. Not long ago, America Online got into trouble for releasing such information. We had a good laugh when we learned your favorite search terms are: "Madonna, bikini, before she turned 40."
"This, sir, is an outrage."
"We're just trying to help. Incidentally, that 27-year-old flight attendant you met in the online chat room?"
"What of her?"
"She's 64 and married."
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