DALY: NFL could get lost in the fog

By Dan Daly - The Washington Times - Sunday, October 25, 2009

Did you hear the NFL is looking into playing two or more games a year in Britain? On top of that, a franchise in London might not be far off, according to commissioner Roger Goodell.

You know what I find myself wishing? That it was still the 1970s. Why?

Because if the league had expanded Over There in the ’70s, it probably would have done something goofy like put London in the NFC West (which then included Atlanta and New Orleans).

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The London Fog.

The English Leatherheads.

(Note the product tie-ins.)

The British Accents.

U.K. United.

Any other names strike your fancy for this NFL club of the future?

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If I were the London owner, I’d try to trade the first pick in the draft for Big Ben Roethlisberger.

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No joke: How cool would it be if, in the team’s first game at Wembley, David Beckham kicked off… and drilled the ball through the uprights?

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The place would go nuts - which, of course, raises the issue of crowd control and Hooliganism of the Soccer Kind.

One possible solution: Dig a moat around the field.

Another possible solution: Give the franchise the rights to Ryan Moats.

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Quote of the Week comes from NFL executive VP Eric Grubman, who had this to say about Los Angeles’ prospects of rejoining the league (as quoted by Sports Illustrated): “Absolutely, it’s a big and very attractive market, and we’d like to be there. But we see [not being there] as the absence of a plus, as opposed to a minus.”

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The absence of a plus, as opposed to a minus.

I can hardly wait to apply that logic to, say, Michael Nylander’s continued inability - despite a cap hit of nearly $5 million - to crack the Capitals’ active roster.

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Elsewhere in pro football, Oakland’s Tom Cable will avoid charges after being accused of assaulting a defensive staffer and breaking his jaw.

The district attorney apparently felt that, as coach of the Raiders, Cable is being punished enough.

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Then again, what are the odds the DA could have gotten a conviction from 12 jurors wearing Darth Vader masks?

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Here’s all you need to know about how the Redskins operate:

1. When Jim Zorn decided to accept Vinny Cerrato’s “proposal” to hand over the playcalling to Sherm Lewis, Cerrato found out by listening to his voice mail.

2. We know this because Vinny told us so - not face to face (he was too busy prepping, presumably, for his Friday radio show on ESPN 980) but in a statement released by the team.

3. Cerrato later announced that Zorn would remain the coach “for the rest of this season, and hopefully into the future.” Again, he didn’t do this in a news conference, with minicams and tape recorders whirring. He did it on his radio show - the one the VP of a last-place team shouldn’t have time for, the one listened to mostly by media members whose questions Vinny is trying to avoid.

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“Jim Zorn is the head coach of the Washington Redskins and will be for the rest of this season, and hopefully into the future.”

Of course, as Bill Clinton would say, it all depends on what your definition of “this” is.

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Seriously, though, it’s not like Zorn has done anything Really Bad. I mean, he wasn’t delinquent paying for season tickets, he’s careful not to park his bike on the owner’s helipad and, as far as I know, he’s never been caught making a late-night run to Cheeburger Cheeburger.

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I just popped “Vinny Cerrato” into an anagram server. It moved the letters around and came up with “Arty Conniver.”

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Other Redskins anagrams:

Daniel Snyder: Denial Snyder.

Sherman Lewis: Harmless Wine.

Clinton Portis: Southeast Jerome. (Just messin’ with ya.)

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It isn’t hard to figure out why the Redskins’ Hunter Smith pulled a groin: Having spent his entire career until now with the Colts, he isn’t used to working this hard.

Think about it. Smith punted five times in the opener and five more times in Week 3. Last season, he didn’t kick that often in any of the final seven regular-season games. The season before, he didn’t kick that often in any of the first nine games.

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Let’s face it, with the offense ranked 29th in the league in scoring (13.2) and 23rd in yards (294), Washington is a veritable sweatshop for punters.

I wouldn’t be surprised if Michael Moore showed up one of these days with a camera crew.

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I trust everybody has seen the clip of Notre Dame’s hideout play last Saturday - the pass out of field goal formation to a receiver flanked so far right that none of the Southern Cal defenders saw him. It’s illegal, unsportsmanlike and all that, but sometimes you can get away with it if the officials aren’t paying attention (as they weren’t on this afternoon).

To avoid getting burned by the sleeper play (as it’s also called) in the future, Trojans coach Pete Carroll might want to do what the legendary Amos Alonzo Stagg did a century ago, back when the ploy was quite popular. I’m quoting now from “Anatomy of a Game,” the fascinating book by David M. Nelson on the evolution of college football rules:

“[Stagg] warned his team with a bugler. [He] stationed a student with a bugle at the highest point in the stadium, and if the lookout saw a ’hideout’ play developing, he would sound the ’Charge’ to alert the [University of Chicago] Maroon that there was hanky-panky afoot.”

So when Carroll is out beating the bushes in the offseason for quarterbacks and linebackers, he might also want to offer a scholarship to a bugler - or at least talk one into walking on. After all, SC plays the Irish every year.

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The longest golf course in the world just opened in Australia, one that measures over 800 miles and stretches through several towns on the remote southern shore. And let me tell ya, folks, nothing tests a golfer quite like seeing a sign that says, “Next Port-O-Let, 62 miles.”

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Everybody who completes 18 holes at Nullarbor Links, I’m told, is awarded a certificate and a free head examination.

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A round takes three or four days, depending on how fast the kangaroos are chasing you.

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And finally…

Here’s why it’s already my all-time favorite course: Say you take a 7 on the par-3 sixth - knock the ball in the ocean or something - and trudge off the green grousing, “That’s 15 minutes of my life I’ll never get back.”

Well, guess what? The next hole is in a different time zone, Western Australia, where it’s an hour and a half earlier. So you not only get the 15 minutes back, you get 75 more.